i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
