best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
