sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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