So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
