I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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