those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just tell him i said nine months
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
