upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize