You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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