this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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