The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
