I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
