Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
