I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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