his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
