I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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