Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Shame - the story of my life.
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