Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
