ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
