Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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