i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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