There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
