My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
