dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
