I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
