good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize