You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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