i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
