Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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