I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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