pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
