Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
