Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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