Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize