i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
