I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
