New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
