Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
