I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
