last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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