Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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