are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
