Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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