the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize