You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
