he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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