When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
