I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i've created a new STD.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
