And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We left the knife in your bed.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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