margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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