I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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