Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
