im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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