I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
