I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
