I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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