omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
