its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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