sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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