I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
