3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
