I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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