I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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