Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
