one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
