He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
