he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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