Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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