in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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