Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
