Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
