I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
